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suffer_thechild [userpic]

November 3rd, 2005 (02:28 pm)

I'm freaking: complacent
I'm listenin' to: Commercial for RENT

Alas, I haven't written in a while. This is due to my busy life lately. But... no use crying over spilled milk, though I might cry if I spilled red wine on my carpet. Okay, enough of that. I went to homecoming with Lucy and Hayden, I danced with Hayden wich was semi-akward, and Michael wanted yet again to dance with me, which of course I would have despised, luckily, I escaped his grasp by hiding in the midst of a crowd of senseless "bumping and grinding", wow, for a second I got stuck in the middle and couldn't escape, I bet I would have suffocated if Julie had not saved me. Ahhh Julie, ever so apathetic is she, yet she does have some moments of compassion. Oh, did I mention I was suspended, yes, it is true. I went to school under the influence of alchohol, the cops came, but no charges were given, just a ten day suspension, plus I had to go to counseling which was not a help in anyway, the bitch sat there and asked questions until it was done, and she gets paid about 170$ what is the deal with that. I am out of school now, because they say I need to get a tetris shot before I come back. Lucy wants me to go to the movies with her and Laura's ex. This is going to get ugly because I think she wants to be with him, even though Laura will hate that. Whatever, direst cruelty is surrounding me as I try to regain trust and respect from my mother, her and Mike still trying for that baby, I pray she will get one. Though no one reads my journal, I will continue to write, for it is a nice thing to have as I look back on old entries. I dyed my hair black, but changed it back to brown. Molly has a mohawk, kind of random, but she can pull it off, I noticed that most of my friends are punk, but I also have others that are hip-hop, interesting combonation at parties I must say. My new nick-name is vodkamanda kind of corny, but my mom says I deserve it for drinkin a bottle of vodka, and thinking I could pass off as sober at school. I guess I should have just skipped. Sometimes I guess you just have to say fuck it and get on with your life. I cut my hair, it is pretty short with bangs parted at the side, semi-emo I guess you could say, but not really, because emos are kind of retarded, but not all of them i.e. Kaylee, though I'm not sure if she's exactly "emo". I want a joint but alas I must stay away and be strong. I need to cut out drugs and alchohol right now before I get into more trouble, they're just not worth it, but at least no one knows I did any drugs ever, which I will never get into again. I guess at least I didn't have to go to some kind of A.A. meeting, I can imagine it Hi, I'm Amanda and I'm an alchoholic hah, I never would have thought my life could turn out this way when I was in say, 4th grade, when my only problem was choosing whether to play with Elise or Mahkayla at recess. I have to say, I kind of miss Park Meadows, even though I am going to be moving from mikes already big house into a like 3800 sq. ft house, it was nice to be in a tight nit place. Park meadows wasn't that bad, but at least now I actually have a life and I have totally awesome friends (and some not so awesome exboyfriends, go single life!), and even though I still have to work out some stuff, everythings been going pretty ok. Well, I'm gonna go watch MADE on MTV.


Posted by: shatterdroses (shatterdroses)
Posted at: November 13th, 2005 01:43 am (UTC)

OH MY GOSH!! AMANDA!!! It's Elise!!! This is amazing, i havent talked to you in years...how are you sweetie?! Wow, I've changed alot..I lost thirty pounds..now im not fat anymore! whoot! I live in Atlanta now, i have a boyfriend(ridiculous girlish laughter), and a whole lot of other stuff. this is so wonderful!

Posted by: shatterdroses (shatterdroses)
Posted at: November 13th, 2005 01:51 am (UTC)

Oh..Amanda I just read your journal, and I know that I havent talked to you in so long..but can I give you some advice? Listen I totally understand what you are going through right now..my life is so screwed i dont even know where to start, but you started drinking? Thats messed up. please dont write me off and get mad at me, you were basically my only friend at burke, even though we kind of had that falling out before I left, and I wouldnt say anything if I didnt care. You can might hurt yourself doing this. I've done a whole crapload of stuff I regret, dont get me wrong, i'm not trying to be all high and mighty.But this is scares me. You were my best friend and I really want to start talking to you again, please, I beg you, just listen.

Posted by: suffer_thechild (suffer_thechild)
Posted at: November 15th, 2005 01:33 am (UTC)

hey dude, i know u arent tryin to be high and mighty, my friends here said the same thing, and i appreciate it, i am gettin better, goin to a counseler(kind of sux) I am glad i found you, that is so cool u have a bf im so happy! more girlish laughter and stuff. i have changed alot to, im kinda weird 2day because one of my best guyfriends told me he was gay soo... yeah kinda in shock right now. i guess i have to accept it or sumthing ok enuff about that! but neways... i like your icon, holy machos i gtg b4 my mom kills me cause me rooms a diaster area ok bee-bye cornpone

P.S. oh yeah, im not on my email 4 a couple o days cause i have to get my internet fixed(im on my friends sn)

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